I wrote this out of anger after being cheated on and getting out of an abusive relationship at the end of 2021. As you’ll soon notice, I was extraordinarily fed up. I told a buddy that I would think about showing this to the next person I decided to give my time to, but he thought that would scare them away. He was probably right. Despite that, my personal opinion is that it’s quite a good piece of technical writing and I also think my voice has a nice bite to it.
To whom it may concern;
I am not the one.
What you are about to read is an orientation of sorts, the ground rules for being in my space, a syllabus, if you will. Everything I am about to say is very straightforward, very black and white, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. None of this is up for interpretation. There will be no sugar-coating and I will not repeat myself, if you cross any of my boundaries there will not be a second chance, and I will not remind you of anything that I have said. I urge you to take these words to heart, heed my warnings. keep this letter, read it 50 times if you have to, refer back to it if you forget something. If you have any questions that I do not answer with the following, or there is something that you do not understand, simply make me aware of that and I will be more than happy to answer any question you may have or clarify anything I have said further. Feel free to also lay out your ground rules for me, if you don’t do it of your own volition, be aware that I will ask. I am more than willing to have a productive in-person conversation about any of this.
When I say that there will not be a second chance, here’s what I mean: with any boundary I have set, the executive decision of allowing you to be in my space while possessing awareness of that boundary is the first and only chance. If you cross the boundary, I will be out the door, in a cab, down the street, to the proverbial airport with a one way ticket faster than the thought to apologize can even form in your brain, never mind it actually being put into words. If I bring you an issue that has risen without regard to anything previously laid out, there will be a single chance to fix it, and you will have ample instruction, suggestions, and directions from me on how to do so. If you choose to continue perpetuating that issue, not only will I leave without warning and excommunicate you in every way imaginable, I will also absolutely under no circumstance give you a chance to explain or try to justify yourself in any way whatsoever. It makes no difference in my decision to remove you from my life whether the boundary is crossed by a micron or a marathon, the lines are bold and bright. It is of no concern to me why you have decided to cross my boundaries, only that they have been crossed. If you decide to fuck around, I guarantee that not only will you find out, but you will regret it. Like I said, I am not the one.
In my quarter century on this rock, I’d like to think that I’ve learned a thing or two about myself—but who’s to say, don’t we all. I think that if you have control over something that adds stress to your life, affects you in any negative manner whatsoever, provides nothing that you can’t provide either for yourself or in a more positive way, you should simply remove it from your life if you possess the ability to. This applies to everything—people, places, things, jobs, routines, ways of thinking; the list goes on. Life is too short to spend it around people who stress you out, who don’t treat you how you want to be treated, who don’t add anything to your existence. 7+billion people on this earth and you’re telling me there aren’t hundreds—if not thousands or even tens or hundreds of thousands—of people out there who feel the same way as I do? Yeah, right.
I am a person who possesses a very high level of not only self awareness, but also emotional and situational awareness. This—so far—has been both the ace up my sleeve and also the bane of my existence. Whether a situation is positive or negative with regard to me, all I desire for that situation is for it to operate in the most efficient and straightforward way possible, and for what is happening to be communicated both effectively and in a timely manner, so as not to waste the time of myself or any of the other parties involved, and to minimize damage on all fronts. If I do not like something, not only am I going to tell you that I do not like it, I am also going to tell you exactly how I think it can be fixed. If you choose to acknowledge what is happening but decline to fix it, there will not be a second chance. If something that you are doing is affecting me in a negative manner, I will also make you aware of this and either tell you to stop completely, or offer an alternate way to go about it that would be a means to the same end for you, but affect me in a neutral or positive manner. The same logic applies, if you acknowledge that something you are actively doing is affecting me negatively and then do not change that behavior, there will not be a second chance. Words mean absolutely nothing to me without actions to match them.
It is absolutely not asking too much to be treated with the utmost level of respect, kindness, care, etc. This is a fact, because I do it. With every single person I let into my life, I never treat them in a way that I personally would not want to be treated. There is only one exception to this; the old saying goes, “do unto others as you would wish to have done to yourself.” This is a two way street. If you choose to disrespect me in any way—because I can guarantee you that I will not be the one to do that to you prematurely—that is a green light for me to do the same. If you disrespect me, do not expect me to continue treating you with respect, it will already be too late. You are your own person, with your own thoughts, your own emotions, your own ability to make decisions. We are adults, I cannot force you—as someone who possesses free will—to do anything. No decision that you make will ever be my fault, and I, yours. Everything that you do involves a conscious decision, a decision that only you can make for yourself. Every action has a reaction. Life is all about choices.
I will not make excuses for you or your actions.
Addendum — I’m glad I didn’t show this to the next person, because he is the love of my life. He has a good heart, didn’t need me to tell him this, and would never do anything to make me feel like this.
九生 